There is so much that I want to say. So much that I want to let out but can’t organize the thoughts or find the right words. My computer is also lagging for some reason so that doesn’t help when I have to go back and click a million times because it won’t load what I’m typing. Today I’m going to do some free writing. I remember in an English class we would take 15 minutes to write in our journal about anything-without any prompt at all. When that time came I would be the person who would just sit and look at my journal. How was I supposed to just know what to write without someone telling me what to write about? Now that I run my own blog I’ve come to realize that I actually write best when I don’t think about it. When I just sit down and pour out what’s on my mind. Of course there is some editing afterwards and I try to carry a common theme throughout the post. But today I’m just going to go with it! So here we go(:
God are you testing me? Because it sure as heck feels like it. I’ve been fighting some crazy internal battles lately. If you follow me on Instagram you have seen me sharing about self-doubt. In the past few months I have thrown a lot of new things on my plate. Training for a half-marathon, new health journey, launched my blog, became a health & wellness coach…all of the things have been happening. Then we’ve got my personal life. Towards the end of 2018 I decided to end what I thought was my career path because I was searching for more stability and a better work life balance. I decided I wanted to go back to school so I could finally finish a degree and that would provide me with more guidance to a career path. So I began the job hunt and came across an incredible opportunity that would get my foot in the door to pursue a career path that I’ve always been passionate about. I took the job and decided to go back to being nanny so I would have a more laid back job where I could also do my school work. Well school didn’t happen. I can’t get financial aid because I ended my last try at school on a bad note and I couldn’t financially afford to pay out of pocket. Felt like I could just crawl into a hole and not come out. So with school not happening, I am nannying and teaching a couple nights a week. I have came to terms that this situation is only temporary. This gives me the opportunity to grow my blog and build my business.
Well I’m currently into month 3 of being a coach and I’ve got hit in the face with trials. When I decided to go all in with this community I never saw it as a business…and really don’t like defining it as that still. Because business to me sounds like I’m doing this to just make money…which I’m not. When I decided to join this community it was to build relationships with other women who are on health journeys are well. When I found out that I could share that opportunity with others- I was all for it! I knew that it was going to be a lot of work and a big investment to make my dream of helping women into a reality. But I was ready to do whatever it took. Recently I’ve faced rejections and hard conversations. In everything I do I strive to be genuine and real. So while I’m building my community I share my personal journey . I want to surround myself by those who aren’t searching for perfection but for progress and happiness. Being shot down is never easy. I know that I will get rejection and encounter people who are just negative Nancy’s. My coach has been super supportive during these trials and reminded me to remember my “why” and the reason I started this journey in the first place. This gift has been placed in my life for a reason and I will continue to push forward because I’m right where I need to be.
Genuinely Jerica continues to bring me blessings! I’ve been trying to connect with other bloggers locally but haven’t been sure how to do that. So I have been creeping other bloggers that inspire me and following their journey for guidance. Recently I’ve started to connect with some of those women! My Facebook and Instagram has also brought so many kind supporters. Every single person that comments and likes my posts… you make my heart so happy! Those heartfelt messages make my day and really help remind me that this is what I’m supposed to me doing. My writing is reaching other women!
I have no freaking clue what my future holds-which scares the crap out of me. I dream of the day that I can be a stay at home momma, running my business, and writing as much as possible! The vision of me sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair, with a cup of coffee in hand, working on a new blog post sounds so fantastic. I want that day to come t more than anything that I’ve ever wanted. But I recognize that dreams don’t just come true at the snap of my fingers. It’s going to take a lot of hard work. Typing until my fingers are numb, reaching out to as many as women I can to grow my community, and probably working jobs that aren’t my “dream job”. I’ve learned so much from this season of growth. I came across a quote today that really resonated with my journey. “I have the strength to make a difference to be different”. And you best believe I sure am going to be!
It feels so good to share the things I’ve been going through. Almost like with every letter I type, I feel a release. Thank you for taking the time to read through this post. For allowing me to vent and express myself. What I hope you can take away is that life can be a giant cluster. You will feel pulled every which way and have no idea why. The main thing is to keep yourself grounded. Take the time to step back and be grateful. Whatever you are going through isn’t going to last forever.