Week 10 of training….how can that be real life!? Training this week was more of a battle than it was anything. It felt more like I was just trying to get through my days to be honest. Another week full of migraines meant that once again I was behind on my training.
After ending week 9 with migraines I knew to probably expect the same for this week. Even after mentally preparing myself my body still didn’t have the tolerance like I used to. A few years ago I went through a phase where I’d have migraines almost everyday and sometimes even multiple of them in a day. My body become accustomed to being in pain and eventually the exhaustion, nausea, and sensitivity to everything just became a part of my days. Up until recently I’ve only had the occasional migraine here and there….nothing compared to what I’m going through now. When one is building up my neck starts to hurt, nausea kicks in, and within about 5 minutes I become an irritable grouch who can’t tolerate anything. It’s honestly miserable. I’ve done my best to stay faithful in that this is just a phase but if I’m being real with you, this week I have been throwing myself a giant pity party. I thought I was over these awful migraines, why are they coming back? Why do I deserve to be miserable again?
Yes, I was questioning God with all these things. My relationship with him is honestly like a relationship with a best friend. We talk about everything and I vent about all of my frustrations…but the great thing is He is the one with all the answers! So obviously he’d be able to tell me why I’m going through this madness once again, right? Unfortunately it doesn’t always work like that. We go through seasons where we want to hear answers right then and there but they don’t always come. That doesn’t mean to stop talking and praying though! It just means that you need to be patient and trust in his timing. During my morning devotionals is when God and I have some good ole chats! Right now I’m reading 100 Days of Brave by Annie F. Downs. Did I reference that write? If not, sorry friends! This blogging thing definitely challenges you when it comes to grammar. Anywho, this book is changing my life! After I read my devotional God and I just chat. This week we talked a lot about my anxiety and frustrations. I’m very worried this cycle of migraines is going to turn into seizures. That I will be going back to being on a handful of medications in order to live a regular everyday life. I have nothing against medicine, it literally saves lives…but it just makes me nervous and I don’t like the idea of having to depend of medical help to be healthy. The more I lift up my worries to God, the more I see our relationship growing. Even though he may not always talk back to me as much as I’d like, I will continue to listen and continue to pour out my heart!
Let’s talk about my running this week. There isn’t much to say because I really didn’t run much. It stinks to write that but it’s the truth. My body was working on overdrive to stay functional while fighting these migraines and I could only push it so far. The main concern I had was if I don’t train my body to be capable of running during a migraine then what is going to happen if I get one on race day. Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety…ughh. I will never be “fully prepared” for every potential obstacle…that’s just not possible and I need to get over it. I can train in every single environment and personal temperament but come race day it’s going to be different. That’s like saying your wedding rehearsal will define how your actual ceremony goes. The best I can do is continue to work through my mental barriers and strengthen my body. Which I am doing. This weekend I set a goal for myself to do an 8 mile run and that just didn’t happen. I reached out to a fellow runner who encouraged me to split my big runs up and not to be so hard on myself. As long as you do those miles it doesn’t matter how they get done! I pushed through and was able to complete my 8 miles by splitting it up into two days..yaaays!
I’m not sure how long this cycle is going to continue but I know that I need some answers to calm my anxiety. So I’ve made a doctor appointment for the end of the month! I’m more excited to see my doctor and catch up because I haven’t seen him in lifetime! I plan to focus my energy on staying positive and listening to my body. Until next time friends(: