Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone and you feel like your head is going to explode from all of your thoughts? Or have you ever interrupted someone in the middle of their conversation because if you didn’t you’d completely forget everything you had to say? I often wish there was a computer hooked up to my brain because more often than not I can’t get my words out fast enough.
Collecting my thoughts and being active in a conversation without interrupting has always been a struggle for me. When I’m in midst of a conversation with another person, I often feel like I need to takes notes to be sure I can remember the topics I want to touch on. Not that I’m not a good listener but my mind is so full of constant ideas that I often forget things. This is how I came about the idea to start a journal. I figured it would be an outlet for all those randoms thoughts and a way express myself at the same time.
In the previous years I had experienced a large amount of trauma. Finally with a safe outlet for expression, I began to dig into those secrets I had been hiding from everyone, including myself. Those pages were full with emotions and lots of tears. I would often write about wanting to share my experiences one day with others so they knew they weren’t alone in their battles.
I recall one day that I thought it would be fun to start googling how to start a blog. What could it hurt, I would never actually create one. The world of social media is such a beautiful thing. During my search I found bloggers form all over the world, sharing about every topic you could image. Their posts were accompanied by the perfect pictures and they had thousands of followers cheering them on. I found myself day dreaming of the day I had enough confidence to share my work with the world.
I wish I could pin-point the exact moment when I decided I was going to create my blog. It had been a journey that I wanted to start for so long, I finally decided why not. There will never be a better time than the present to go for your dreams. At times when I feel scared that no one is going to read my blog or people are going to judge my journey, I think back to the time when God told me this was his plan.
Back in my elementary years, a good friend of mine talked me in to going to church camp with her. I had been to camps before and always had a great time. What better way to spend the summer then being away from home with my best friend. So I packed my bags and said let’s do it! I headed to church camp with the mission to flirt with cute boys, meet new friends, and soak up the sun. My relationship with God at that time was awesome. I had recently been saved and joined an awesome youth group that set me on fire for God. I was comfortable where are relationship was. Boy was I in for a surprise!
God clearly had other plans for me. While I was confident in my comfortable relationship with God, the other campers made me begin to question myself. In our down time I would find the other campers praying, doing regular devotionals, and connecting in ways with God that I never had. Praise and worship had always been where I felt really connected with him. One night at camp I was really in touch with God and for the first time ever, I truly heard him speak to me. He told me this, you are here to speak to others.
I was at the ripe age of 11 or 12 and God told me that I was supposed to speak to others…what the heck is he talking about? I talk to people all the time. At that age I still had my mind set on working with children because who doesn’t love snuggling babies all day? Over the years I’ve always held on tight to the moment. I was so young when he spoke to me but I knew his intentions were clear, I just wasn’t sure how or when my path was to begin.
So here I am! I’m writing to you because God has brought me here. I have no idea if I’ll speak to 10 people or 500. Those 10 being my loving family who has supported me every step of the way on this journey thus far! If I’m meant to speak to you guys, then I will pour my heart and soul into every letter I type on this laptop. Because I want each and everyone of you to know you have a purpose in this world and you are loved.